There are a lot of interesting characters in the Democratic Senate recruitment class of 2016. Between primary dramas, failed candidates looking for a second chance, and candidates not quite ready for primetime, it’s hard to keep track of them all.
In honor of Thanksgiving, we thought we’d breakdown the Senate races using our beloved Thanksgiving foods.
Russ Feingold: Thanksgiving Turkey
Feingold is the perfect match for the Thanksgiving turkey. Just like turkey being at every Thanksgiving dinner, Feingold seems to turn up time and time again to run for Senate. Turkey is good, but it’s easy to get full of turkey, and once you’ve had enough turkey, you know. Yet, no matter how many times you turn down turkey, it just keeps trying to makes its way back on your plate.
Katie McGinty: Salad with Extra Dressing
McGinty likes to say she’s environmentally friendly just like you like to think a salad is healthy. However, once you get down to the facts, McGinty isn’t good for the environment, and salad isn’t necessarily good for you once you load it up with dressing.
Patrick Murphy and Alan Grayson: Mashed Potatoes and Gravy, Respectively
Murphy is the mashed potatoes to Grayson’s gravy. First of all, mashed potatoes and gravy are almost as messy as Florida’s Senate primary. As for Murphy, potatoes are bland, boring, and squishy. No one is excited about eating just potatoes. As for gravy, you would never eat this alone; it’s just got too much flavor. Together, though, they make for a mighty interesting primary.
Catherine Cortez Masto: The Dish Your Flaky Family Member Forgot to Bring
Cortez Masto is the dish someone forgot to bring. Why? Simply because like that dish, she never shows up. Cortez Masto has avoided making appearances in Nevada just like you’ll never see that one dish Uncle Harry was supposed to bring to Thanksgiving.
Jason Kander: Fried Brownie Ice Cream with Potato Chip Topping
Kander is really just trying to please everyone with this dish. You want fried foods? He’s got it. You want brownies? He’ll throw that in. Something cold? Check. Something salty? He’ll add potato chips. It all sounds good until you put this all together and realize this item is distasteful at best. Too much pandering results in a sub-par product that nobody wants.
Maggie Hassan: Brussel Sprouts
Maggie Hassan emulates brussel sprouts. Her budget in New Hampshire was largely rejected, so much so that she actually began asking for legislators to vote against her budget. Your aunt who brought the brussel sprouts will probably even tell you not to eat the brussel sprouts. They have no business being on the dinner menu.
Tammy Duckworth: Canned Cranberry Sauce
Duckworth is the clear establishment pick in Illinois’ primary race with the DSCC’s early controversial endorsement. However, many Illinoisans have expressed disagreement with the establishment candidate. Canned cranberry sauce is an established part of Thanksgiving, but if we’re being honest, most people are not a fan of canned cranberry sauce. You bring it since it’s an established part of the holiday, but no one is voting for canned cranberry sauce as the best Thanksgiving dish.
All of North Carolina’s Democratic Candidates: Your In-Law’s Dish
When you get a new in-law, they’ll often try to bring their own dish to your Thanksgiving, and while the sentiment is sweet, nobody but the in-law will be eating the dish. In North Carolina, three Democrats are in "a no-name election." Just like NC Democrats, everyone isn’t really fully sure what your in-law’s dish is all about, so they’re definitely not taking a taste.
Ted Strickland: Turkey Baster
Strickland effectively sucked 350,000 out of Ohio, so it only makes sense to deem him the turkey baster. While this isn’t technically a Thanksgiving dish, it’s close enough to award him this role in Thanksgiving dinner.